This article will teach you nothing that you ever would’ve thought to seek out knowing. You will come out of this only marginally more knowledgeable, and hopefully a little bit happier. Now that that’s out of the way? Let’s talk about prostitutes.
For reasons beyond my control (I’m weird and impulsive), I decided to quantify the cumulative length of penis prostitutes have to deal within a given year—or at least, the amount that I think they do.
First, there are some mathematical assumptions that I need to clear up. All of the data used for this is based off of data from The Netherlands, which has a long-standing and well established history with prostitution. Data is readily available about the industry there, so that’s what I went with. One further assumption is that all the clients a prostitute sees are men and have a penis, and actual data about this would skew my results. For reference, I used interviews with two prostitutes who worked in Red Light Districts throughout The Netherlands for a number of years. Their experiences probably don’t reflect the majority of prostitutes throughout the world, as every area and prostitute is different, so take this with a grain of salt. And a final assumption? I’ll also be referring to female prostitutes, and we all know that prostitution is not a ladies-only trade by any means. But I digress.
The first bit of data I used was how many clients a prostitute sees per day. Assuming the prostitute has sex with all of them, it’s said that the average prostitute in The Netherlands sees about 5 clients a day and works 5 days a week.
That leads us roughly to about 25 clients a week, give or take for slow or busy days. Also, (s)he may work more days than 5. It’s estimated that the average penis length in The Netherlands is about 16cm or 6.2 The trickiest assumption is now how many weeks out of the year a prostitute works. Seeing as prostitution is seen in the same light as most professions in The Netherlands, one can assume that the standard four weeks of vacation per year also applies to sex workers. This creates 48 workable weeks in the year.
48 weeks, multiplied by 400 cm per week gives us a grand total of 19,200 cm of penis per year, or 192 meters. 192 meters is equal to 629.9 feet. And let’s keep in mind that I’m not really accounting for thrusts or repeat penises. So this is more of a bare minimum.
In the great American tradition of using football fields as measuring tools, it’s a little more than two football fields. The Eiffel tower is 324 meters tall. The Great Sphinx of Giza is only 20.22 meters tall. Giraffes average 5.5 meters tall. Blue whales, the largest living thing on the entire goddamn planet are 30 meters long.