Pornhub Categories Rated on Home Decor

Original Poster | Matt Bohan | March 2, 2016

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There are two types of people in this world: People who admit they watch porn regularly, and liars. Let’s be honest—there’s no better feeling than getting home after a long day of work, ripping off your khakis, logging onto Porn Hub, lathering up in your favorite lotion, and vigorously taking notes about which light fixtures go best with which fabrics. Porn is the new Pinterest. Not only does it serve as a sexual release, but also as an inspiration for middle-aged white women looking to redecorate their homes. For those of you in this demographic, I’ve rated Porn Hub categories based on the tastefulness of home décor:


Cumshot (3/10): From couches, to carpet, to even the ceiling, these sets give “all white everything” a new meaning. But even though the color scheme of these sets is mostly the same off-whites and cremes, the decor is all over the place. To be honest, it seems like they just pulled out all the furnishings they had in storage and just threw them wherever they felt. I know this may be hard for the set decorators to swallow, but I’m not trying to say you guys don’t have taste. Everyone has an eye for interior design; you just got semen in yours.


MILF (7/10): These sets are tastefully done, often being a refreshing combination of both contemporary and retro decor. Sure, you may have to clear cobwebs off some fixtures and furnishings before putting them to use, but that doesn’t mean these sets have any less charm and pizazz than the newer ones. The only drawback is the curtains rarely ever match the drapes, but it’s 2016. Whose do?


Red head (2/10): Unfortunately the carpets DO match the drapes. Gross.


Interracial (4/10): While I understand the decorators are going for a more modern look, the placement of the furniture just seems unorthodox, and none of the colors really go together. I definitely would have been more comfortable with a traditionally decorated space for this category.


Brazilian (7/10): Who doesn’t love a little Latin flare here and there? Most Brazilian sets have beautiful hardwood floors, with just a bit of carpeting around the door. The spaces are well-kept and great for entertaining. You can tell the designers cared about what viewers thought of the space before they started shooting.


Fisting (5/10): The vibe of these sets just doesn’t fit what I’m looking for on a porn set. Everything seems really forced, and the furniture is packed tightly into a small space. It’s like the decorators thought they could fit more in one room than they actually could. This over-packing often leaves tears on slip covers and fabrics, making for an uncomfortable place to shoot. Only experienced decorators should attempt to pull this off.


Teen (9/10): Love! These sets are fun, fresh, and funky. I couldn’t tell if I was watching a girl deep throat the delivery guy or watching an episode of Zoey 101! Yes, the decor may be a little childish with the inflatable couches and bean bag chairs, but at least these sets have brand new hardware and light fixtures that feel modern and hip.

Sidenote: The absence of fatherly love in the pornstar’s life is a great space for extra storage of hand towels and Plan B tablets.

Double penetration (5/10): See fisting


Gay (10/10): Let’s be honest people, we all saw this one coming. There’s a reason this is my favorite category. Gays do it best. From floral arrangements to accent walls, these sets have just the right amount of fabulous to make you feel like you’re being penetrated on the cover of a Pottery Barn Home catalogue. If you’re redesigning your home and can’t find the right video to masturbate to with your interior designer, definitely go for this category first!